Empathy Across the Aisle: How Trusting that Good Exists in Others Can Enhance the Good within Ourselves
In times of political tension—especially during election seasons—it’s easy to retreat into an “us vs. them” mindset, reducing people with different beliefs to stereotypes instead of seeing them as complex individuals. We can all find ourselves swayed by these thought patterns. I notice it moments after a major debate, in discussions with loved ones that unexpectedly turn tense, after reading a New York Times article about research on a candidate or party we struggle to understand, or when a viral video appears in our feeds highlighting the apocalyptic threats from political rivals of the organization we support. Who would support this? They have no idea what they are doing to us! How can I have anything in common with these people? Yet, science shows us that our well-being can improve when we challenge this instinct and choose to see the good in others—even those with whom we disagree. As Jamil Zaki notes in Hope for Cynics, empathy and grace have the potential to bridge gaps and foster connections in ways that create inner peace and resilience.
Zaki, a Stanford psychologist and empathy researcher, explores how our polarized world has created “fault lines” that divide us. Often, we view those on the other side as more extreme than they are. Zaki notes that Americans commonly perceive political rivals as far more radical than they actually are. Even on non-political topics, we often make incorrect assumptions about our “opponents.” Zaki’s research attributes this to a lack of social connection, which increases cynicism and fuels division, making it harder to empathize and easier to dehumanize.
Therapists and counselors in the field of mental health study hard and practice diligently to provide this type of empathy with clients. Even then, it is not always an easy skill to perfect. We clinicians have our own political stances, beliefs, and ideologies, just like anyone else. Yet, we are ethically bound to not let that impact our relationships with clients. Personally and professionally, I believe a safe, therapeutic alliance between counselor and client depends on assuming the best of one another. Sitting across from another individual and providing a space for them to feel, think, or say what they need with compassion and empathy can be as liberating as having the space to do so yourself.
In my experience, choosing to give others grace—by seeing them as people first and foremost—can be transformative. I want to make it absolutely clear that I don’t mean one should tolerate harmful behavior or sacrifice oneself in the name of empathy. When we provide respect to others, we deserve respect in return. Continue communicating and enforcing those boundaries. But with that in mind, allowing room for understanding and kindness will shape our interactions. Zaki emphasizes the power of cognitive reappraisal—our ability to see difficult situations in a more constructive light. By practicing this skill, we can reframe how we view people with opposing views, focusing less on what divides us and more on shared values, like kindness or honesty.
“Bring people together, and they’ll awaken to their common humanity.”
Cognitive reappraisal allows us to appreciate others’ positive qualities and feel resilient, even in tense times. It’s easy to feel disillusioned by divisive issues, but choosing empathy fosters adaptability. It doesn’t ask us to compromise our values but to recognize that people are more than their beliefs. This approach can and will make difficult conversations easier, reducing stress and helping us maintain balance. Making space to find common ground with those who frustrate us can be scary and uncomfortable at first. But even if it feels like jumping off the high dive, don’t let your own cynicism keep you from experiencing the cool water on a hot summer day.
In a world where cynicism feels easier than ever, its impact on our well-being is profound. Cynicism heightens stress, fosters isolation, and makes meaningful connection more difficult. I don’t want to try to convince anyone of false hopes. It is certainly true that extremism exists in our world. However, when we default to viewing everyone in a group as irredeemable or extreme, we harm our relationships, damage our own health, and create cycles of frustration and loneliness within ourselves and others. We break this cycle when we choose empathy, building resilience, connection, and inner peace—even in divisive times. Focusing on empathy isn’t just a way to care for others; it’s an act of self-care that benefits us all.
Interested in listening to Jamil Zaki? Check out this interview on the Good Life Project podcast:
